A friend of mine was recently divorced. Her husband of close to twenty five years just came down to their living room on Christmas Eve and announced that he wanted out of the marriage. (It turns out he had another woman ready to marry VERY shortly after their divorce was final.)
As if the divorce itself wasn’t bad enough (losing the man she had loved and shared her life with) she had to go out and start her working life all over again, in her early fifties.
During the early stage of this awful shock, she would call any time things got unbearable for her. It would break my heart to hear her anguishing despair.
Things have improved for her recently. She has since then gotten a job which she seems to enjoy AND has a boyfriend whom she absolutely loves/adores.
BUT (And you know there is always a “BUT”!!!)…
I get calls from her every once in a while… and can hear the new despair in her voice when she talks about her loneliness every time her boyfriend is off on another international vacation, or when her boyfriend refuses to visit her at her home… preferring that she make the hour commute to see him at his home. She describes how she has nothing to do (other than clean her house) while her boyfriend is unavailable.
I have suggested (several times!) that she take up READING… any genre… There must be one she would enjoy. (Aha! So there is a point to this blog… finally!!!)
But, she continues to drag her feet on the reading. I just cannot imagine that! But, there I go… projecting my likes and dislikes on others and expecting to find solutions to their problems.
I just cannot imagine a world without reading!
PS… Because she doesn’t read, she doesn’t visit the Cozy Mystery Site. As a matter of fact, one time when I finally asked her how I could improve the site, she said she didn’t know since she had never looked at it. So, I know I won’t offend her, although, there I go again… projecting that it is something to be (almost) ashamed of if you don’t read!
Larraine says
I can’t imagine a day without reading either. However some people have never developed the habit. Some people have ADHD issues that have never been diagnosed. They lose the “patience” to read as my father called it. It’s too bad. However, in the end it sounds like your friend has other issues. She apparently has never learned to be alone with herself. She needs to find other outlets besides the boyfriend.
Maria BearMountainBooks says
Try giving her a book on CD (audio of some sort). I’ve found that people that don’t like to read tend to not mind having a voice read to them. I’ve also found that of those I know with this…let’s not call not liking to read a shortcoming…but they tend to like non-fiction. They want to hear read stories about real people because they are lonely and want to connect.
In my dad’s case grin he likes biographies. When it comes to fiction, he tends to like old westerns.
Suggest an outing to a library where you’ve maybe scanned a few non-fiction titles ahead of time that you can suggest she might like. There’s self-help, true humor, travel stories…just a ton of things. Libraries also have DVDs and video these days so a few of those might also be up her alley.
Amy says
I cannot conceive of a life without reading.
-V- says
{HUGS} for being there for your friend.
First, there’s a special place in Hades for crapweasels (like that crapweasel did to your friend) that do that to anyone. He will get his in the end. I mean, crapweasel timing much?
Second, you can only do so much for someone who seemingly wants to be attached at the hip to someone they are seeing.
She asked for your suggestions, you suggested, she rejected the suggestions.
Third, I am constantly amazed at the amount of people who do not read for entertainment. Reading is like the air that I breathe. I have three or more books going at any given time, audiobook in the car for commutes, one in the purse for those possible long lines or waiting for an appt, and one at the bedside for just before and just after sleep.
I don’t seem to get along well with people who don’t read. I don’t have much in common with them. Not that reading is all I do for entertainment, but there is something lacking in the personality in people who don’t read.
Sharon says
I know exactly how you feel. I have been feeling that way lately. I turned 40 on March 30. Even though I didn’t react like I did when I turned 30(Crying for 2 weeks before my birthday), I still believe that I have all of the feelings that you mentioned. I think fondly of days gone by and wish that life was simple like it once was. You are right though, I believe if I am blessed to live another 20 years I will look back on this time with the same feelings!
Bernadette says
I have a couple of non-reading friends and I don’t really understand them either. And if I go into a house that doesn’t have any books in it, I can’t help but think a bit badly of the people whose house it is.
Danna - cozy mystery list says
Thanks for all of the recommendations… I’m afraid that there is very little hope of ever introducing my friend to the joys of reading… and besides, after I suggested reading a few times to her, I decided that you can’t make someone enjoy reading…
As for her husband: Yes, he really is a toad! My husband and I cannot believe that he was such a jerk to her. We never would have thought he was capable of such cruelty!
linda says
Another one of your blogs that interest me (sorry if I am wearing out my welcome). I have always been a prolific reader but after my 1st husband died I couldn’t concentrate long enough to read. But when my son died a few years ago I couldn’t stop reading. Now I read a lot, especially when I get down or depressed. I’ll bet that since my son died, a little over 5 years ago, that I have read over 5oo books! One of my aunts says that I hide behind my reading! But I say, reading is better than drinking, or using drugs! I still clean my house, take care of my hubby, my dogs and visit people. I just have a book in my purse when I visit!
Danna - cozy mystery list says
Linda, you are not wearing out your welcome!
I’m sorry to hear about your son. I’m glad to hear that reading helps you get through the times when you are feeling down or depressed.